good grief, the time is just flying by! Someone stop the bus, I wanna get off!
I've been so bad. Why? Cos ... I'm not motivated. I'm not sure how else to say it, but it just aint happening for me. I have goals, I have plans, I have all the best of intentions but I'm too happy living life quite happily, cruising along and enjoying the ride so to speak. So what the hell is my problem?
I'm happy
I'm not tracking (not regularly, on again off again)
I'm not updating my journal regularly either!
I'm slacking with extra bits and pieces
I'm relying on my exercise to scrape me through a loss each week
So what's changed over the last 6 months ... lessee ...
I used to track religiously. I mean religiously, every day, every hour. I'd track sugar points, water, extra points etc.
I used to take my photos and measurements every month. Just so I could see my progress!
I used to plan my meals in advance.
I used to drink my water and some.
I wrote my journal daily.
I partook in challenges i.e. weightloss challenges, now they just frustrate me.
It seems nearly everyones journals I've been reading lately - everyone is in limbo. Yo-yoing or actually gaining weight again along with excuses galore and mid winter pity parties. Sometimes I read them and think I just want to shake the shit out of them and tell them to get with the programme and then I look at what the hell I'm doing myself and think ... Helena you are a fucking dork!!!!!!! Stop disappointing yourself. So I start the next day again with great intentions of drinking my water, tracking my food and sticking to points and day after day I screw one of them up. My excuses are mounting up and sounding like broken records - I'm tired, its training, I'm hungry, I'm bored, it's TOM time, its its its ... BULLSHIT.
So thats my rant, MY RANT. I've taken comments off this post, I just want to say what I want to say without anyone agreeing with my excuses or telling me it is mid winter and we are all tired and bored and hungry and stuff.
My husband will growl me tomorrow and start making me write my points on my fridge magnet board again, I'll probably cry in frustration and secretly swear and curse at him cos he loves me so much and I feel so guilty about being so untrue to myself.
I'll then go to weigh in tomorrow and swear and curse at myself to having a big fat gain cos I cant get my shit together. I'll curse myself for being a woman and having my period and being so damn bloody happy with my life that I cant get serious about my weightloss journey again. Until the next day when I pick myself up, dust myself off and start another day planning and tracking and telling myself to get over myself and stop being so overbloodydramatic.
But damn I've had a few fantastic days, enjoying friends, food, fine wine, great music and good times.
Doesnt it just piss ya off when you feel so damn bad about feeling so damn good? That is just mental, crazy, irrational logic ...
