In Limbo

I've had the day off today, its been a funny kinda day. I kinda feel like when I came back from Abel Tasman ... its the ... ok thats cool, now what?

I'll tell you now what ... chill out Leenie!!!!!!!! A friend of mine has asked me to join her and two of her mates to make up the foursome for the Round Lake Taupo Cycle Race in November. I have declined. I love biking but thats just crazy. No so much in the fact of cycling 40kms, cos with training I could do that ... but its the thought of sharing it with 10,000 people pushing and shoving and having accidents and falling off and stuff that just turns me off completely. That and trying to get accomodation and food and ... arghhhhhh it just sounds like a nightmare. Now ... if someone asked me hey lets go up Taupo for the weekend and do some cycle, thats a different story. I'd probably jump at the chance, but a race like that just sounds like chaos. I was thinking about the Duathlon in April a while back, its in April but I'll give that a miss, I'll go and scream and yahoo and shout from the sidelines encouraging Karen to go go go go gooooooooooo!

My skin has broken out. I think its partly stress and partly all the processed food I've been eating lately. I've never been a "pimple" girl and lately I've been getting pimples, two on my chin bulged out late yesterday afternoon! Either my hormones are changing or the eating I've been doing lately is starting to show up in my skin. What kind of processed foods? ... stuff like hashbrowns, bacon, chocolate cake, biscuits, crackers, chippies, dips, sausages, sausage rolls!, WW meals, muffins, scones, sauces, diet coke, Texikarna Burger ... arghhhhhhhhh saturated fats, full of processed sugar and loaded with additives, preservatives, colourings etc etc etc ... no wonder my body is starting to say heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy enough already!

And yet my brain says ... dont worry about it, chill out, relax, it's ok.

So heres the plan. I think I posted the other day that I'd had a gutsful of numbers. Quite frankly, right now they are pissing me off. I have two WW meetings before I go camping. I'm going to attend both of them, but I'm not weighing in. I am going to eat good food and not excessively. I am going to continue my exercise regime, i.e. walking or gym in the mornings. Saturday will be my "day off" and Sunday I will ride my bike ... I can of course be coerced into other exercise by my friends Jo & Karen, if they so wish, however I will not sweat the small stuff if they blow me off *wink*. LMAO

On holiday, I will relax and enjoy myself! Cos I bloody well deserve to. However, its not an excuse for a free for all, I'll eat well and do the best I can to stay away from processed food. (isnt hard - when we are camping we always go back to basics!)

Coming home from holiday, I will do a 10 day detox - the healtheries type you buy from the chemist - this detox isnt for losing weight its about getting my body back to its good healthy self, expel the pollutants and prepare for the winter weightloss mode. I know I have actually mentally talked myself out of weightloss at the moment and thats ok. The mind is a powerful thing and I know from where I have come from unless my mind applies itself 100% to its goals, it wont allow me to achieve. So at the moment my mind is not programmed for weightloss - I know this from the last 2kg thats been on and off and on and off again for the last three months - and I'm not switching it on again until after my holiday. Period. Full stop. Thats it.

My next weigh in will be 14 March.

So what else did I do on my day off, I renewed Craig's Cossie Club membership, filled the gas bottle, had a coffee with a mate, had a smear test, washing, cleaned the kitchen up *again*, bashed the dogs, watched the winter olympics, drank lots of water and ate birthday cake *rolls eyes*. Our fridge and cupboards are getting cleaned out tonight - I'm sorting my surroundings.

Smear tests ... hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... I've been a bad girl *confession time*. I havent had one for about 8 years. I've been too paranoid about my weight to go get it done. Pretty bloody stupid I reckon. Its a bit like the dentist ... fear and denial and hopefully it goes away. The nurse was lovely and very understanding. We had a great discussion about health in general and like the dentist this process is going to be part of my annual routine. I'm taking my health seriously now and feminine health is a top priority. Another achievement and goal achieved WOOHOO for me.

Not sure what's for dinner, something and salad is a definate thats for sure. Back to work tomorrow, I have no idea what my week is going to be like - it will go fast no doubt.

And finally ... thanks for all your wonderful comments. I've reread my entry and few times and it still brings tears and emotions bubbling to the surface. I cant believe its all over! Even when I was running down to the finish line I was thinking ... hell it cant be over yet I'm just getting into the swing of things! LOL

oh and for Karen ... me making Craig's bday cake LOL