3 Sleeps to Go

It's like its Christmas all over again and I'm waiting for Santa to arrive LMAO

Ok so I got up early this morning and went to the gym. For some reason it only took me 40 minutes to get through. I was definately working hard, I didnt take any short cuts, it must be time to get a reprogramme done maybe ... that will be first on my list when I get back from camping.

I had ANOTHER hungry day today arghhhhhhhhhh, man these days get really trying. I managed to control myself through having an extra couple bits of fruit and some corn thins ... rather than the thoughts of sausage rolls and chippies that were going through my mind *sigh*. I always have a giggle when I hear people say their tastes have changed ... damn I wish I could relate to that, I still have thoughts of wonderful pastries and fish'n'chips and stuff. Only very ocassionally now do I cave in to my cravings, but I guess the cravings to get farther and fewer between ... except on my HUNGRY DAYSSSSSSSSSSS damn it! lol I have to admit though although I love those things still, my body doesnt and I usually end up regretting in while sitting on the loo later with stomach cramps and the queasy thing going on. Stupid really :( - mind over matter.

I went to my meeting today. Another No Weigh. I had a pang of the guilts momentarily - especially when the weigher, an older lady said ... congrats on doing so well, you are just doing so well! - However the guilts were short lived. I'll be back on those damn scales on 14 March and there'll be no looking back. I actually feel like I'm back where I was 2 years ago, before I started WW and it took me 3 months to walk into the damn place. But once I made the decision to go for it, I didnt look back. I think thats where I am now. Just knowing mentally I wasnt in the right headspace so rather than beating myself up about it. Just kepting going the best way I thought for me at the moment. There is no way I'd give up my WW membership. It's far too important to me now. Even when I'm at goal, I'll be doing the lifetime thing and going in weekly or at least fortnightly still - at least thats what I feel I want to be doing. WW isnt a moment in time thing for me, its a lifestyle. I dont expect I'll be counting points for the rest of my life, but I'll certainly be very conscious of opting for the best food options and staying active.

So today's meeting was about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE - its always about me LOL ... no the meeting was about putting ourselves first. Why is it we get the guilts about putting ourselves before our family, friends, work etc etc? Is it some kind of programming we learn from our mothers and other influences as we grow and develop? Some cultures have even stronger programming for women. I guess its the same as ... what do you prefer at Christmas time ... giving gifts or receiving them? I love giving them, I love watching my family and friends open their pressies and seeing the look on their faces. You know within seconds if you have got it right or serviously wrong. I guess giving is a way for me to show appreciation and love and gives me a self confidence boost that I've made someone else feel happy. I guess if I think about me being overweight - doing things for other people, always giving, focussing on hubby, family, dogs, work, my boss, clubs - sports or social, charities, friends ... I didnt have to focus on me and how deep down unhappy I was with myself. All these people and places in my life were a outlet for me to not have face facts and concentrate on me! My "busy" lifestyle wouldnt accomodate and food plan, "diet" or more planned eating regime (self denial). My "busy" lifestyle didnt give me time to go walking or swimming (self denial). Work was soooooooooo *dramatic* demanding. While I was concentrating on everyone elses needs I forgot about me, *cough* I didnt have to remember me and what my needs were. Hell I didnt even know what my needs were.

I wanted to be loved - would people love me more if I gave more? Nope, they just took more.
I wanted to feel good about myself - all I did was make other people feel good.

Men have been practicing it for years! There is a cultural programming that for men to be successful they have to go out and get what they need ... we're talkin caveman survival instincts here. They'd go out and hunt the animal and then drag it home for someone else to show off their success.

"It's all about ME" can sound pretty selfish, but in reality I think it's a bold move and statement to dedicate and commit a big piece of your life to yourself. Would I be selfish not looking after myself? Would I be selfish not committing to a longer healthier life which my family and friends (and damn work) would benefit from?

If I chose to
- not to cook a meal
- not turn up for work one day or say ... sorry I'm busy I cant take on any more
- enjoy opening a pressie instead of giving a pressie
- say NO to someone who is taking me for granted

would the world stop turning? ... HELL NOOOOOOO, it would just go right on without me.

Only get one shot at this life, may as well make the most of it

Man I love my meetings. They really make me think.