The weather ... not me! LOL
Wow tonight was an absolute stunning evening - absolutely freakin cold but so still and moisture free! On our way home this afternoon I said to Craig I HAVE to go out for a walk and I got soooooooooo excited just thinking about getting all wrapped up and taking my pooch out for a decent stride. I get so proud of myself thinking like that ... sometimes I think ... how could I not think like that? LOL not sure if that made sense, but I guess I get passionate about me now and I love that feeling of new found confidence in myself!
I also got some great news at work today, myself self assessment for promotion was approved and I have been promoted to a senior role ... senior as in more recognition not age! Really happy with that, I set myself a three year goal when I started the job to get to where I wanted to be today, I achieved it in 2.5 years and of course I feel on fire. Not smarmy cocky on fire, just finally after many years of doubting myself and my abilities to actually say to myself ... damn it I've worked hard and I deserve it. I think for me at the moment I'm finally getting my head around that stuff. It's not about being a smart arse bitch and skiting or showing off, its about recognising yourself for what you are worth and thats not just financially - its about your contribution to yourself, family, friends, work and society itself. That of course means different things to different people but to me, believing in me is probably one of the biggest personal learning curves since I've been on this planet. If you dont believe in you, how can you expect anyone else to believe in you?
I was talking to someone the other day about self confidence - cant for the life of me think who it was. They were saying to me that before losing weight they personally didnt feel confident, yet those people around them always said they "appeared" to be so confident. We then talked about how before we started losing weight we closed ourselves in and made sure we didnt put ourselves in positions that took us out of our comfort zone ... so of course the things we did push ourselves in we appeared confident because were in our comfort zone. For example, when I was at my heaviest, I remember my boss and I having a conversation about flying to Hamilton and doing some work up there and my first line back to him was ... "I dont fly, I'm scared of flying, I cant go" along with a few other excuses as to why it wasnt necessary for me to go to Hamilton. The truth of the matter was that I WAS TOO SCARED TO GET ON AN AIRPLANE BECAUSE I WOUDLNT BE ABLE TO GET IN THE SEAT, LET ALONE DO UP THE SEATBELT. In hindsight I was prepared to forgo personal achievement and potential career success because I didnt want to face the fact that I had a problem. That was only one incident of many when I think about it - other things were around didnt like clothes shopping (couldnt find anything to fit), dont like babysitting (kids are so honest they'd make fun on me), missing a holiday in the sun (174kgs in togs - I dont think so), I have to sit in the front seat of a car cos I get carsick in back seats (I couldnt get the seatbelt around me) - it was all just self absessed bullshit - I love clothes shopping, I dont mind babysitting, theres no way in hell I'd miss a holiday, I dont get carsick ... the things we tell ourselves and do to protect ourselves from humiliation and embarassment!
Hmmmmmmmmmmm wasnt expecting all that to come out tonight LOL Sometimes I get really angry at myself for not realising what I was doing to myself and it took me 33yrs to work it out, but then I reassure myself that things have changed, I dont think like that anymore and I'll never go back to thinking like that anymore. Thats why I believe this journey is not just a physical one, but one of the mind - as we nurture and repair our bodies we are doing the same to our minds - and like our bodies the mind doesnt just change over night - its a long process that you need to work really hard at. Some days you get it right and other days you take a backward step - the difference is now we are aware of what we are doing to ourselves and can make that conscious decision to stay the same or move onwards.
Hmmmmmmmm ok that was pretty out there too LOL
I've been finding it quite hard blogging lately. Maybe its the weather, maybe I'm just in a different mindset at the moment, not sure. What I am sure of is that I still read lots of peoples blogs and I try to comment every now and again! It's a fantastic little world we have here - of all the people in the world that use the internet, we've found each other and from that in different ways we each find strength and inspiration from our writings. Thats cool.
My hammies and butt are sore - my full weight work out really challenged my muscles yesterday - at least I know my form is right! Walking after work tonight definately gave me the opportunity to stretch out those muscles so that must be a good thing.
You are worth it ... you know that eh?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Cold but gorgeous
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6 comments:
congrats on the promotion! Sounds like you have worked hard and finally it's all coming back to you.
I so agree with you on the blogging thing. It's wonderful that in blogging we help ourselves and others, both in the positive and negative things we write about!
Keep it going chickey!!
Well done on the promotion! You deserve it!
Great post, you are so full of energy and it comes across when you write! When I think back to the things I didn't do because of my weight, sad to miss out but making up for lost time now! Also I agree with this journey being one for our mind as well as our body.
wow Helena,
This spot is so spot on, I absolutely agree with everything you have said and can so relate to it as if its my own personal journey. I still have a long way to go but its my mindset I am so pleased to have had change as I know that makes this whole thing a real journey for me, (as I know I'm going to get there) rather then a constant battle. I know that tough times crop up but having that inner confidence will take me a long way. I would have liked to have it 10 years ago, but yay, I'm just pleased I have it now.
I also want to say that your blog has become such an inspiration to me and I've even used some of your little phases to help me at times.
One of the ones that frequently pops into my mind occurs when I'm at the gym. When I'm struggling on the x-trainer and the burning is really killing my legs I think "just keep your foot on the gas Lynise, you CAN do this" and I'm so pleased with myself that I've never jumped off before my scheduled time is up.
Your amazing and I just love how honest you have been along the way as your journal has/is helping me a lot.
Take care.
Very insightful post Helena, I can only nod in agreement with most of the things you touched on. Congratulations on the promotion, you certainly deserve it. And thank god you have turned your life around at 33 and not waited till later on when it is so much harder.
Hi Helena
Congrats on the promotion, and now you have a 6 months head start on the next goal.
And you are gorgeous, the photo you have on the website you look stunning, a gorgeous big smile, happy and so very pretty...the weather has been ok but the cold is really spoiling it something rotten.
I didn't doubt AT ALL that you would get that promotion, just look at all the work you have been doing for your career.....well deserved, congratulations!
You are so right about having to believe in yourself for other's to do the same thing. The believing gives you the self convidence to achieve your goals in life and by god girl, your achieving yours :)
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